We have friends and fellow quizzers (Jeff & Sue) who have a house out here and spend as much time as they can in Spain. Jeff’s from St. Helens – where they can’t even spell Geoff properly!
When they’re out here quizzing, they’re both great assets and we miss Jeff from our team (The Grumpy Old Men). Jeff’s catch-phrase is “Yev bin thur” which is what he shouts across to Sue every Geography question. In case you’re not familiar with a west-of-pennines accent it means “You’ve been there”. They’ve tons of money and are certainly well-travelled. To hear Jeff talk you’d think he was a road-sweeper but in actual fact he’s an Electrical Engineer, well-educated and quite intelligent. He’s a great guy but he just sounds thick.
Jeff & Sue’s younger son Mark, Mark’s wife and two great kids have just been out here for a week. On arrival they were being picked up by this bundle of fun called Mr X. It’s a long-standing arrangement that this couple, the dynamic Mr X and his lovely friendly, chatty wife Mrs X pick up Jeff and all his family from the airport.
Unfortunately, Mark has never met Mr X – it’s always been Mrs X who’s picked them up. However they had accurate descriptions of each other. Mr X had been described as small, grey-hair and sun-tanned! Mark description was “a couple with two kids”. How could the two parties possibly miss each other with such detailed descriptions?
Mark comes off the ‘plane, through the customs, collects his luggage, walks out into the sunshine and guess who’s waiting for him? Why – it’s a bloke with a suntan and grey-hair! You Mr X? Yeah – you Mark? Aye.
They arrive at the car only to find that “Mr X” has a baby seat in the back. Mark’s a bit puzzled but doesn’t say much. Mark’s wife does – why the baby-seat? Your youngest is eighteen months old isn’t she? Mark’s wife is puzzled. Her younger child is a boy and he’s a very big lad for four.
Undaunted, they squeeze into the car with Mr X and set off. They hadn’t been long out of the airport when Mark’s wife asks – you are Mr X aren’t you? No – I’m Mr Y – turning to Mark – are you Fred and Wilma’s lad? Er… I think you’d better turn round pal.
When they got back to th’erport, there’s Mrs X, and looking somewhat bewildered she said – I thought I saw you pass. Mark just couldn’t stop himself saying – Well that was fucking helpful you silly old bitch. Ah no he didn’t – he was brought up to respect his elders. He didn’t say it but I bet he thought it.
There’s a moral to this tale – I’m just not smart enough to know what it is.