Dad’s doing a bit of gardening for somebody so he’s too busy to do this so I said I’d help. You might be a bit surprised to realise what a multi-talented dog I am. So – on with the tail. Get it? On with the tail! It’s funny because I don’t have a tail. My tail was bitten off by a Moroccan when I was born. I don’t like Moroccans me. Don’t tell anybody but neither does my dad.
My dad and some of his pals went to La Manga last week. They didn’t come home until half past ten. Their wives had a mixed reaction from “couldn’t give a shit” right through to “worried”. They’re on about going bowling next. I think they’re a bit pathetic – like a sort of Spanish Last of the Summer Wine – with shorts a flip-flops. My dad is a hopeless dancer – he has two left-feet so he wears flip-flips.
Things don’t change much for me. I nibble at my food, I sleep a lot, I bark at everybody who passes the gate and my dad walks me round the lemon-groves. I like the lemon groves. Sometimes we see a rabbit. I love chasing rabbits but I don’t like catching them as I know I’m supposed to kill them but I just don’t have the heart.
This weekend just gone was a bit different. My mammy kept saying did I want to go stay with Alfie or go see my country-cousins. I thought “country-cousins” was swearing so I opted for going to stay with Alfie but they took me to the swearing-place anyway. It turned out to be up in the mountains where mum and dad’s friends live. The country cousins turned out to be Foxy, Looney, Tetley (what a grumpy little bastard him) and Deefer.
Deefer was my favourite ‘cos he was only a puppy and very playful. Foxy and Looney were a bit big and boisterous and as mentioned before, Tetley was a miserable, unpredictable Yorkshire Terrier. I didn’t enjoy myself that much and spent a lot of time sitting on my dad’s knee just watching all the antics going on around me.
As I said, I really wanted to go stay with Alfie. Alfie’s OK – we don’t bother with each other much but his mum and dad are smashing. They treat me like a princess. I sometimes think they like me more than Alfie. I do some cute things which makes them smile – humans are really easily pleased.
I’m sorry but I have to go. Dad’s gone out and left the front door open – mum’s snoring her little head off so I can’t hold my poo until she gets up so I’ll just have to do it in the back garden. Dad clears it up.
It’s great being a dog.