So then and or but?

If you don’t like people (i.e. me) having a good-old moan then stop reading now.

When I were a lad many many moons ago, I went to Grammar School.  I once saw someone on F/B who said they’d been to Grammer School – the mind boggles!  I must have listened some of the time when I wasn’t gazing at Linda Brewins.  Ah, lovely Linda my first love and the first girl I ever snogged properly.  She finished with me, the rotten cow and went off with a Modern Schooler.

Back to the point Steve…

I don’t remember much about English apart from ignoble is the opposite of noble and don’t start a sentence with any of the words in the title of this blog.

I have just finished reading a book by a guy called Glenn Cooper.  He’s written a few books but this was the first I’d read and it was called The Tenth Chamber.  It was a readable enough tale but about six times a page, Glenn would start a sentence off with “and”.  The story must not have been compelling enough because I started noticing his grammar.  Don’t tell anybody this but I found myself with a pencil in my hand (no idea how it got there) and started crossing out the “ands”.  The sentences all made the same sense.

I became so bloody mad with this fucker that I looked him up on the T’interweb.  Sure enough – he had a website so I sent him a message.  In the message, I soft-soaped him a bit – saying how much I was enjoying his book but then I asked why he started so many sentences with “and” and did he know this was grammatically incorrect?

Amazingly, he wrote back.  He called it “Artistic Licence” and quoted a couple of other authors who also weren’t perfect.  I wrote back to him and said that Roddy Doyle was very difficult to read but four wrongs don’t make a right.

The reason I quoted the very funny Mr Doyle was to show this twat that I’d read other books too!

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They’re there their.  These poor little buggers also get misused a lot too.  As do two, too and to.  Many people use “to” when they mean “too”.

They say the English is a very difficult language to learn.  Tosh.

If foreigners don’t understand words like cough, enough, dough, bough, slough, Slough etcetera, then don’t fucking use them.  Use other words like throat noise, sufficient, raw bread, tree branch, thing what snakes do to get rid of their old skin, Reading etcetera.  There’s always a way round.

What is the point of knowing the plu-perfect or other complicated tense of a verb.  If my Spanish translates as “I go to pub” instead of “I am going to the pub” – so what?  At least they would know I’m not going fucking shopping!

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I could go on but I think nearly five hundred words of pure grumpiness is enough for anyone.  Well done if you managed to reach the end.  You must be a fan.  It’s actually over five hundred words now.

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About Stevie B

I retired to the sun in February 2010. I am far from bored but I do need an interest (preferably one that pays).
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