Part of today’s ramblings is – why do stupid people go on TV Quiz Programmes? As I’ve said before, I’m a big fan of Alexander Armstrong, Richard Osman and Pointless.
There have been some fantastic answers on this over the last few weeks – my favourite being the Geordie woman who thought Twickenham was a First-Class cricket playing county.
One young girl thought General de Gaulle was the leader of the armed forces during the French Revolution. Another youngish woman when faced with the question of naming a best-selling author said “I don’t know any authors”. Why show yourself up in front of millions of people?
Do these people have an extra chromosome? Perhaps they are lacking the chromosome which gives normal people self-awareness. As Rabbie burns said – “Oh w’u’d some pow’r the giftie gi’ us, to see ourselves as other see us”.
Whilst on the subject of the infamous Mr Burns, I think he is also associated with the saying – “If at first you don’t succeed, throw the bairstard o’er yer heed”. My favourite poem of his though is – “Upon the hill there stood a coo, it musta moved it’s no’ there noo”.
Going back to thick/stupid people – what on earth are they teaching kids at school these days? Eeh – when I were a lad if you didn’t know your 29 times-tables you’d be thrashed within an inch of your life. Kid’s today don’t even know what a bloody inch is!
That reminds me of an old joke – best told in a Yorkshire accent.
Yorkshireman’s wife of fifty-plus years dies. He goes to the funeral home and the discuss what he wanted etching on her gravestone. I would like “She was Thine” says the man “as she was very religious”. This is agreed with all the other paraphernalia about her being a wonderful wife/mother/grand-mother etcetera. The man goes back after a couple of days to examine the stonemason’s work.
The wording is perfect – except he’s put “She was Thin” instead what was requested. The old man isn’t upset but says “You’ve missed out the ‘E'”. “Go ‘ave a cuppa tea lad and I’ll put it right for thee”. The old man goes back in half an hour to discover the gravestone now reads – “Eeh she was thin”.
I wonder why you never read on a gravestone about the miserable, rotten, old fuckers of this world? I think I’ll write my own before I pop my clogs.
Something along the lines of…
HE WERE A GRUMPY OLD SOD
HE NEVER ADMITTED WHEN HE WAS WRONG
MIND YOU IN FAIRNESS HE WAS USUALLY RIGHT
WE TOLD HIM NINETY-THREE WAS TOO OLD TO RIDE HIS MOTOR-BIKE
HE WAS A GRUMPY OLD SOD BUT HE WILL BE MISSED